Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there’s more to this cornerstone Twelve Step practice.
To understand what living amends are is to understand the concept behind amends in a 12 step program.
These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises. Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts. “What has afforded him the second living amends chance, though, is the work he has done reaching out to the gay community, both in Cincinnati and nationally,” Marchand wrote. What we needed in 2020 was for Brennaman to wait a day, to collect himself, to talk with people, and then offer something more substantive than garden-variety damage control.
What is making amends in addiction recovery?
Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when preparing to make amends. There may be so many times we feel we let someone down that it can be hard to know where to begin. We want to convey our heartfelt remorse but worry https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/alcohol-and-headaches-why-does-alcohol-cause-migraines/ that our words will fall short. Of all the 12 steps, Step 9 is often referred to as particularly challenging. Understanding why will require taking a closer look at what Step 9 is, its goals, and its possible outcomes.
Supporting Families Through Suicide Cleanup
So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. Notice the words “right to resentment” and “underserved qualities” in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning [our] right to resentment . . . “. Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing.
In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother. Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer. Though we would certainly suggest she read some of our other posts on seems like regret and self-forgiveness, we also deeply appreciate the option of a ‘living amends’.
How Making Amends Benefits Your Recovery
- Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here.
- If interacting with someone re-traumatizes you, or increases your risk of relapse, you might want to reconsider approaching them.
- You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time.
- The other person will better appreciate your sincerity, feel more understood, and thus be more receptive to the apology.
- If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help.
